


Heart

by wishboneluck



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Break Up, Friends With Benefits, Friendship, Getting Back Together, M/M, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 00:03:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18981079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wishboneluck/pseuds/wishboneluck
Summary: Magnus and Alec are in a FWB relationship, Alec wants more and Magnus is terrified of that fact.





	Heart

Magnus has been casually sleeping with Alec Lightwood for three months now. Not that he’s counting or anything, he’s just good with dates. And the thing is, he wants more. He wants more so badly it’s almost a physical ache. The other thing, he almost certainly could have more. Almost because there’s always seeds doubt with the unspoken but it’s a very small almost.

Alec Lightwood is stoic when necessary but around Magnus, he’s anything but. He wears his heart on his sleep and Magnus can see it in his eyes that he wants more. Alec, a man of few words, but certainly not shy, has even voiced his desire. Magnus has shot him down and regretted it more than almost anything. He’s a man who’s lived for hundreds of years he has done his best to live a life without regret but it’s a near impossible task, but the sad look in those hazel eyes, watching him swallow the visible lump in his throat when Magnus turned him down? That moment lept to the top.

Even then, Magnus had wanted more. But he was terrified then. And now, right as it feels he’s on the -precipice of losing him? There’s not a word for what he’s feeling.

“I’ve got to go,” Alec speaks suddenly, startling Magnus who had just been about to drift to sleep.  
His arm drops unceremoniously to the bed as Alec rolls out from underneath it. Alec is a hard to crack little spoon, something that had surprised Magnus their first night together. That’s the thing about Alec Lightwood; he still manages to surprise him, a hard feat for someone who’s been alive for centuries.

Right now though, it’s the bad sort or surprise. He’d feared a few weeks ago that Alec was beginning to pull away but those fears had been dashed when things returned to normal. Alec had been cuddly and sweet and had been staying til mornings, most times even staying and cooking breakfast for them both.

“So soon? I was planning a grand breakfast, one even Julia Child would envy.”

Alec snorts, but it’s not as amused as his typical response to Magnus. Maybe Magnus is being purposefully dense but it almost sounds a little mean. Almost.

“I have a meeting first thing, can’t be late for it.”

“Well I can conjure up a portal then, it’s never been a problem before.”

“It’s a problem now,” Alec snaps and toes his boots on. He leaves without a kiss goodbye.

Its three days before they fall into bed together again. There’s no mention of Alec’s departure the other night accept for a brief apology from Alec before Magnus pulled him into a searing kiss and slamming the door behind them.

He hadn’t wanted to hear any words after that because he can read the writing on the wall. Alec is going to leave him, leave this because even for the wonderful and selfless Alec Lightwood what Magnus Bane can offer him isn’t enough.

To Magnus’s surprise, Alec stays until morning. He had thought the night would end the same as the last but it hadn’t. He had been as cuddly and passionate as pliant as the first night. It had given Magnus hope that it had all been in his head and Alec’s odd behavior had been to work or family issues.

Magnus really hates hope.

“I can’t do this anymore,” Alec declares as he scrapes the last of egg off of his plate.

“Breakfast?” Magnus asks stupidly, fork stopped halfway to his mouth.

Alec shakes his head.

Magnus goes to Catarina. He plays with Madzie who asks where fun Alec is (the only other person in the world who considers Alec fun, Magnus thinks) to which Magnus has to delicately explain he doesn’t like going to Magnus’ place anymore. Madzie is astute enough to not ask more. 

“Do you want to talk about it or just drink about it?” Catarina asks after Madzie has been put to bed, grabbing two bottles from the fridge.

“Drink now, maybe talk later.”

Catarina, as always, is his solid rock and advises him to do what’s best for him. Of all of friends, she’s the one who likes Alec the most, certainly more than Raphael who considers him a good leader but despises him otherwise. But it’s no surprise that she doesn’t even take Alec’s feelings into account when given Magnus sage advice.

“In the end Magnus, you have to do what’s best for you, and you know that better than anyone.”

“I’m not really sure about that anymore,” Magnus replies and drains the rest of his beer.

The next time they see each other, it’s for a Downworlder Cabinet meeting. They’re both as professional as possible though Magnus can’t help but be a little less supportive of Alec’s ideas than normal. 

He exits the meeting as quickly as possible without running, only to be stopped by Raphael and his damn vampire speed.

“Talk to him,” Raphael suggests, as if Magnus asked. 

“You hate him,” Magnus replies. 

Raphael just shrugs as if that’s unimportant.

“Not for you. For you, I actually kind of like him.”

“Well he’s the one who ended it, so not much talking to be had on my end.”

Raphael grabs his hand as he motions to open up a portal. “You didn’t hear his heart Magnus.”

And Magnus arms drops to his side, and ignores Raphael’s nod because he doesn’t need him to point out where Alec is. He’s always overly aware of that. He turns to see Alec is watching him intently, not even trying to hide it. Alec rarely has hidden any of himself with Magnus.

“Can we talk?” Magnus asks, approaching Alec with as much confidence as he can muster.

Alec dismisses a nondescript Shadowhunter that comes to ask him a question and nods, looking as nervous as Magnus feels. 

And Magnus may not be able to hear Alec’s heart but he can certainly see it now, in the sorrowful look in his eyes.

“What do you want to discuss?” Alec asks as they enter his office. 

Magnus watches as he rubs at the skin between his thumb and forefinger. It looks reddish and irritated; he’s no doubt been doing it all day. Glancing to the corner he sees the drink cart he was ever so fond of during their brief affair. It’s easy to notice that most of the bottles are much emptier than before.

“Us,” Magnus answers honestly.

Alec lips at his lips and then looks to the ground.

“I was afraid you’d say that.”

Magnus frowns. That’s certainly not what he expected.

“Why?” 

Alec sighs, looks almost irritated at the question. 

“Why do you think Magnus? I want you, I love you and you don’t feel the same. It hurts. And you were honest from the beginning and I kept fooling myself there was something more. I’m sorry about how I left and if I was unprofessional-“

“You weren’t,” Magnus interrupts, though he really wants to hear all Alec has to say. But he puts so much pride in his position he can’t bear to have him think he’s doing this wrong. “You were great today actually, I was afraid you’d moved on.”

Alec blinks, looking as surprised as Alec always makes him feel.

“You were afraid?”

Magnus nods steps closer and puts his hands on Alec’s face.

“It’s been decades, centuries even since I’ve felt what I feel for you. It terrifies me, and that’s why I couldn’t do more because I was afraid. But these weeks without you, they’re almost torture. I miss you, even the little bit I had of you those last few times.”

“What are you saying?” Alec asks, looking terrified and hopeful. 

“I’m saying I miss you, and want to try this again. For real,” Magnus explains.

“Please don’t say anything you don’t mean, please.” And Alec is actually begging him here.

Magnus never felt more powerful than he does now, Alec’s very heart in his hands. 

“I never do,” Magnus replies.

Alec kisses him in a way Magnus has never been kissed before, and Magnus is still terrified but more hopeful than ever before.


End file.
